Well, I was going to share pictures, but apparently Blogger has decided today that I don't get to upload photos, because "server rejected," and all the suggestions for how to fix this issue are crap like "clear your cache" and "change browsers." And while I have my own webspace and could theoretically upload and link, I'm annoyed, so it can fuck right the fuck off and y'all don't get pictures today.
Happy holidays, everyone - whatever holiday you prefer to celebrate.
We've had a few adventures in horse ownership, including Baby's First Choke Episode (hooray...) and the realization that Dragon at 9 months old has probably a foot of height on Justice at 15 months (help, send ladders). Cessa is so pudgy, she looks pregnant - again - and the vet thinks she probably has some metabolic issues that are gonna mean dry lot in the spring; I'm looking into getting her one of those big balls you fill with hay to keep her entertained. And our pittie mutt managed to cut his foot on... something (our best guesses are "a broken brick," "a stick," and "thin air").
But my source of great hilarity for the last few days has been Christmas.
Now... I'm an isolated pocket of horsey in my family and in spouse's family. Like... it's me, and then my mom had a cousin who was into horses, of whom I was fantastically jealous as a teenager (She got to pick between a car and a horse at 16! So jealous.). That's it. That's all of us. So I generally expect that I'm not gonna get horse stuff for gifts, and if I do, it's going to be somewhere on the spectrum between "bless your heart and the heart of the person responsible for this monstrosity, because apparently only one of the two of you has seen a horse in this lifetime" and "generic horse gift, cool, it's cute," with the odd foray into the land of "oh thank god, you just bought something off my Amazon list and I know you have no idea what it is, but thank you."
My husband did great this year - he got me an LED breastcollar, which I am delighted about because it's blue and it lights up ("Are you ever going to be riding at night?" "Probably not, but it lights up.").
Aaand then there's my mother. My mother, for whom I have to color-code my horses because she can't tell the brown horse with the tiny star and big fat snip from the brown horse with the huge-ass star, tiny snip, and big white rear socks. Past years have included such gifts as:
- A very fancy European ceramic piece... with a donkey on it. I think.
- That horse yoga calendar.
- The framed poster of a unicorn that has been nicknamed after a certain little blue pill because while the horse itself is lovely, if a bit overly large-eyed, the horn is... it's sad, y'all. It's pointing down when it should be pointing up. And kind of off to one side. And... yeah. It's bad and I feel bad making fun of it, but it's so bad that's all I can do.
- Along a similar note, the mossy unicorn framed poster. It's not really mossy, but that's the best way I've found to describe what appears to be what happens when Lisa Frank tries to do a properly heraldic unicorn and quits after drawing the unicorn, so someone else comes along, takes some mushrooms, and tries to put in an overgrown jungle background - only they were tripping balls and could only find blue and green paints.
- That horse yoga calendar, again.
- A pretty generic grooming kit.
- I think every Breyers holiday ornament from 1997 until 2015?
- Another iteration of that horse yoga calendar.
- A corrugated metal thing with some... horses?... painted on it.
- A fourth horse yoga calendar.
- A number of random horse statues in various levels of misshapen, including that one rearing horse statue that you see the same horse in different sizes and materials at every freaking truck stop and tourist trap.
So, I mean... my bar is low. Particularly after this year included a brief discussion about the My Little Ponies on the list (look, they're re-releasing them and there are ones I always wanted, ok) and particularly because although I've provided a horse-specific wishlist, my mother has a tendency to look at your wishlist and then promptly either forget about it or come up with something she (and no one else) views as equivalent.
The bar was evidently not low enough.
My horsey presents this year included:
- That same freaking horse yoga calendar (I don't think she realizes it's the same photos with different background colors every year...)
- A little horsey first aid kit, which is cute and probably will do great when a human stabs themselves, but is unlikely to be of much use for an actual injured horse just by the quantity of items provided alone
- An entire box of vet wrap
Yes, that's right. A box of vet wrap. In blue.
That I did not ask for.
Twelve rolls of blue vet wrap.
I think, based on some things she said, that she thought she was buying polo wraps. She talked about not being sure what width to get, and about being able to wrap my horse's ankles and make them look cute.
Only... she bought... vet wrap.
I just. I keep thinking about this and laughing, because what else do you do? She won't get why it's not correct; she might even get kind of offended that I don't like it. And there's... there's really no tactful way to say, "You do realize you actually bought me a box of bandages, right, Mom?"
I swear to god, I'm gonna be giggling about this for months.
